Like A Fine Wine, The 1911 Pistol Only Gets Better With Age

'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to CNN's suspension of Chris Cuomo after texts reveal the lengths he went to aid his brother Andrew Cuomo amid sex scandal

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," November 30, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Happy Tuesday. So, all is not well at CNN. Yes, there is more friction in the fake news factory than there is between Stelter's thighs, while wearing his favorite pair of Lulu lemons.

I speak of the network home of hysterics hall monitors in one anchor who would make a great well anchor. As you know, Chris Cuomo is in more hot water than a package of ramen noodles.

He just got suspended indefinitely. According to the New York Attorney General's Office, Chris was far more involved in his brother's damage control efforts than previously admitted.

I know. A CNN anchor shading the truth. Whoever heard of that?


DONALD TRUMP, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: CNN got very angry. Fake news, CNN is totally fake.


GUTFELD: Way ahead of his time. Now, as you know, Andrew Cuomo, the ex- governor was accused of sexual harassment multiple times. The guy touched more women than Pete Davidson at a wrap party.

Chris admitted to helping his brother out in fighting the accusations, and who wouldn't help his brother really. But new documents reveal he was in regular touch with his bros' former top aide and his accusations piled up, Chris demanded knowing when damaging articles would come out, promising he'd uses media connections to help his sleazy sibling.

So, this is turning into the best lifetime movie I've ever seen. And I've seen them all, including the 12 men of Christmas. Delicious. Now, previously, Chris said he never made calls to the press about his brother. And why shouldn't we believe him? He's been so honest before.


CHRIS CUOMO, ANCHOR, CNN: All right, here it is, the official ridge from the basement, cleared by CDC. A little sweaty, just worked out happens. This is where I've been dreaming of.


GUTFELD: He just worked out. Now, to pull that off, you need a blind spot the size of Wendy Williams's feet.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (voice-over): Nice, that was good.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

TYRUS: That was --

GUTFELD: But it seems like Chris was indeed gathering Intel, including dirt on one accuser. You know, Hillary would be so proud of Chris. After hearing all this, I'd wonder how does Chris keep his job? But then, I remember this guy.

True, that was an unintentional error, and everyone deserves forgiveness for honest mistakes. But Greg, even if that involves burping the worm during a network Zoom call. Well, I go back and forth on this, much like Toobin.

But my point is this. It's natural for network competitors to enjoy the spectacle of arrivals implosion. It's like when they demolish an old hotel in Vegas, you love to watch it.

And Cuomo kind of deserves it. He's a blowhard who lauded Antifa and smear decent focus bigots. He turns out fake news like the Amish-do-butter. Telling you to live by the rules that he then happily pisses on like a urinal cake. He screamed at you to obey lockdowns as he violated his own.

Seriously what a list of obnoxious to choose from? It's like the polyester shirts section at Walmart. There is Q-tip theatre where Chris stole one of Kara tops (PH) props to humanizes jerk face brother.


CUOMO: In scale, this was the actual swab that was being used to fit up that double-barrel shotgun that you have mounted on the front of your pretty face.


GUTFELD: You know, maybe he was just trying to keep his brother's nose clean. There is the moment where he mocked the crime wave and those who were raising alarms about it.


DON LEMON, HOST, CNN: They're going to take your country away and they're taking down the statues and as --

CUOMO: Crime is rising. Let's make defund police.

LEMON: Crime is rising. Oh, my gosh, it's so bad and they get defunding police. It's like --


GUTFELD: Yes, that didn't age well. By the way. It's nice to see Chris finally discuss the new smash and grab robberies. Smash and grab, it sounds like one of his brother's top dating techniques.

But I guess Chris could no longer chalk that violence up to show me in the Constitution where it says looting has to be peaceful. He also defended Antifa.


CUOMO: Antifa or whomever anarchists or malcontent or misguided, they are all so wrong to hit, but fighting hate is right. And in a clash between hate and those who oppose it, those who oppose it are on the side of right.


GUTFELD: Yes, he was, in short, an overpaid jackass. But in the media, that describes all of us. Except, of course, Kilmeade, he's just a jackass.

Anyway, but I feel at times that I'm an overpaid jackass too. But then, I remember I work at Fox and I conclude that I am an underpaid jackass. Seriously, Fox, how can you expect me to maintain a Bolivian cocaine habit, six mistresses, three full-time cabana boys in St. Barths, on a 14 mil a year salary? It's like they don't even consider the fact that my shoe inserts are made of ivory.

Last week, I had to let a houseboy go because it's nonstop crying upset by Bengal tigers. So, what am I getting at? The scuttlebutt in this high school cafeteria called the media is that Chris is what you find next to your ham and eggs that I hop, toast.

Well, it's either toast or a Lee press-on nail. But he's like the Greeks, ancient history. He's like, peaches at the supermarket, canned. He's like a loaded gun on an Alec Baldwin set, discharged.

But why should he be fired? What did he do wrong? I mean, besides help to corrupt politicians, smearing accuser, by using his network connections, that's it?

Come on. Who hasn't done that before? Am I right? I say it's not time to fire Chris, but to save him.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Right now, America's hero is under fire. He's name, Chris Cuomo. His only crime, helping his brother. And also uncovering dirt on a sexual harassment victim using his media connections.

But is that really grounds for dismissal? We say no. Here is why. If they fire Chris, they might replace him with someone better. Like this guy. Or this guy, or this guy. Thankfully, it will never be this guy.

Plus, America needs Chris Cuomo. Not for the news facts or educated opinions, for the laughs.

CUOMO: Tell me where it says that protests are supposed to be polite and peaceful.

But the turnout of white supremacist was thankfully pathetic. Just why I didn't have to go to the government?

This is a traveshamockery. A travesty, of a sham, of a mockery.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: For pure knucklehead entertainment, you couldn't be Chris with a bag of dead crickets.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, the crunch.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's good eating.

And finally, we don't root for people being fired, even if they route for us to be fired. Unless it's Joy Reid, she is a racist.

So, it's time to save Chris Cuomo and save America.

CUOMO: Let's get out. Let's get out. Rick, let's get out. Let's get out. Let's get after. Let's get after you.


GUTFELD: For lack of a better term, I can't quit Chris. And look, the media is a moronic medium. So, it is -- his fault that he is a moron? We attract them like flies on poop. And it's this environment that often dictates changes in your behavior.

I mean, look at Kat, she wasn't this -- crazy when I met her. The news did it to her. This was her before Fox.

And you've seen it yourself. So, and so leaves Fox for someplace else, and suddenly they're different. So, the old line is, don't hate the player, hate the game. I came up with that as a kid while playing spin the bottle with my grandmother's schnauzer -- the bitch.

But the game these days is to inflame divide and incite. Until we change that game, there will always be more Chris Cuomo than Greg Gutfeld. Firing them does no good because another one bubbles up.

If we keep at it, who knows we'll be hosting -- who will be hosting that CNN 9:00 p.m. slot?



GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guest.

He's off at the crack of dawn, spreading news without a yawn. Co-host and "FOX AND FRIENDS FIRST" host, Todd Piro. I said host twice.

These work in more places than WD-40. Fox Business anchor Susan Li.

She gives drug sniffing dogs at contact hi. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf.

And he lights his cigars on the sun. My massive psychic and the NWA World Television Champion Tyrus.

Susan, as we're going to the show, we found out on Twitter that Mr. Cuomo was indeed indefinitely suspended. I want him to stay. What do you think is going to happen and --



GUTFELD: It's -- I'm like the Harlem Globetrotters. I want to play the Washington Generals every day.

LI: And you cheer for the underdogs. I get it.

GUTFELD: No, I'm the overdog.

LI: Oh, yes. Always.

GUTFELD: I cheer for the over dog. I --


LI: 14 million. Yes.

GUTFELD: I want to crush the underdog. Don't you understand? This is --

LI: Look, I think this is a great case study though, too. Once you open Pandora's Box and you go down that rabbit hole, and you can't come out of it. So, he can't be both brother, and broadcaster. I think the Atlantic said it best. Did you read the Atlantic today? I was surprise with that.

GUTFELD: The ocean?

LI: No, the magazine.

GUTFELD: Who reads the magazine?

LI: Left wing --


TIMPF: I read it. I read it. I did read it.

LI: -- publication.


LI: And it said he failed his viewers. He's broken his journalistic integrity, and he has to go.

GUTFELD: Wow. So, you think he should go? All right.

LI: Well --

GUTFELD: Well, I mean, he did -- he did some bad. If he was hounding an accuser or using his professional ties to go after the accuser, that's wrong. But still, Todd, that's not about me. This is about me.

TODD PIRO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR: It is all about you. As it --


GUTFELD: Like a -- if I lose Chris Cuomo, Todd, that's four segments on this show that I don't get.

PIRO: We're just going to have to read your book, literally live readings on air.


GUTFELD: If you haven't purchased it yet, Todd, I suggest you do.

PIRO: I love the plot. But I keep asking myself, why have they kept this guy around so long? It's not like he's delivering these massive readings.


PIRO: I was telling you before, my show is on at 5:00 a.m. I'm awake for only half of this show. That some days, we beat Chris Cuomo show.


PIRO: And the all-important that -- thank you. Thank you. Way to plug my show. Yes.

GUTFELD: What demo was it? It's the meth head demo? Yes.

PIRO: Right. Yes, yes. And it's huge.

TIMPF: Huge with sneakers.

PIRO: It's a huge a demo. But that's the point. If you have such a cancer like this in your locker room, and that's the CNN locker room, don't you get rid of him to improve the overall prod?

But CNN doesn't, you saw Toobin, you've seen other people. They just don't care.

GUTFELD: I theory is, is that it's a clip factory, Kat. They don't care about the ratings, they care about putting out sensational clips that then travel along the Internet, like demons in the night to destroy you.

TIMPF: All right. That's a -- that's an interesting theory.

GUTFELD: I have many more theories. Sometimes I write them down.

TIMPF: I know that. I know that. Look, yes, I mean, I don't think they had a choice.


TIMPF: I don't think that they wanted to get rid of the -- him. I think they tried really, really hard to not get rid of him. I mean, not just that montage. But I mean, he obviously was helping more than he said.

GUTFELD: Right. And we all knew that. And like, we know what he said, my favorite texts in terms of showing why he's the worst is he's like, oh -- all they have is Lindsey, then that's a good sign.


TIMPF: He is saying that he knows there's a lot worse stuff. He wasn't like, oh, of course, that's all they have because my brother would never do these things.


TIMPF: He wasn't defending his brother because he thought like, oh, we would never do this. He was defending his brother because they're both bad dudes.

GUTFELD: But also -- but they are brothers, and I'm surprised he hasn't used the, we are Italian defense, which his brother used, which should ban you from Italy, I think.


GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus.

TIMPF: We're Italian.

GUTFELD: Yes, we're Italian, that's what we do. That's what his brother said. But I digress. Here is the thing. You're an athlete. Like, should you take pleasure? Like I actually look at this and I think yes, he should go, but at the same time, it's like, I'm not -- I don't like rooting for people to lose their jobs. Unless it's Joy Reid because she's a racist.

TYRUS (on camera): So, are you saying like, I'd take great joy in crushing my enemies or opponents?


TYRUS: Within the confines of the game. Yes.


TYRUS: Do, I follow them afterwards in the parking lot and drag him? No. It was a lot of unpacking in your monologue. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell burped the worm means, but whatever. I don't want to know. And that is -- and please do not continue.

But I agree with you, Greg. I don't think that he should be fired until they have their investigation. We have to -- we're not -- let's not be like them.


TYRUS: That where -- they'll make an allegation against the guy and not even do the due process. He's fired. And then you find out later on, although, their evidence is damning in terms of what he was doing with his brother with the text message and stuff. But he's also got a sexual harassment allegation on too, but hasn't done an investigation. So, we should wait.

In the meantime, we'll enjoy his dumb Asiri (PH).


TYRUS: And then, if it's found in the investigation that he did do the things he's accused of, then, yes, you got to fire him. But until that point, they shouldn't just do the woke thing and ruin a guy's life until you can prove it. That's just fair.

GUTFELD: You have what? You have swayed the audience in your favor. How does this that you're the -- you're the "business expert" Susan.

LI: Whom, actually, my favorite texts and I exchanged was when he said I got a lead on the wedding girl.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

LI: I mean, what is that?


LI: That's if -- that's a non-incriminating.

TYRUS: Again, not good investigation.

LI: What is?


GUTFELD: The wedding girl.

TIMPF: Never a good thing in any contact Zoom (INAUDIBLE).

LI: Who is the wedding girl?

TYRUS: There is no way to make that a good thing. You all saw the wedding girl. That' is my wife, bro. Like, yes.

TIMPF: I got to lead on the --

GUTFELD: It might be the independent -- in an independent film opening at Sundance, and he was getting tickets.

LI: Oh.

GUTFELD: I have a lead on the wedding girl. It's a charming film.

LI: That's very charming film.

GUTFELD: A coming of age fable, Susan.

LI: Yes.

GUTFELD: What does this do to CNN? Does it --

LI: Well --

GUTFELD: Does it destroy the network? Say yes.

LI: So, it might surprise you. I've worked at other places besides here.

GUTFELD: Like WD-40.

LI: And as Todd would know, that, I think at any other place, you would be fired.

GUTFELD: Yes. There you go.

GUTFELD: Well, we're going to be covering this wall to wall for the rest of my life.

TYRUS: What are they going to do -- Greg?


TYRUS: What are they going to do with the double box with him and --


GUTFELD: John Lennon.

TYRUS: And they have the, I Love You session before.

LI: Oh, do they do that?

TYRUS: You should totally zoom in.

TIMPF: Yes, I love the session.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Do you know what the thing is? That Stelter sit (INAUDIBLE). It's like he's like hovering over a canned ham right now.


GUTFELD: He's like, this is mine. You notice he didn't really defend? He was the first guy to tweet it out.

TYRUS: Well, he was been sitting outside his office on a (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: He's been in -- Yes, yes. He's been -- he's been waiting to go in, I'm going to have to let out Cuomo's pants.

TIMPF: He keeps just walking by at his office, just walking by.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. All right, well, up next, does the Supreme Court satisfied the Dems palette to keep Kamala on the ballot?


GUTFELD: Could a Supreme Court nomination end their Harris abomination? According to The Telegraph, a paper, not the old-fashioned method of sending messages. Since Kamala Harris is so crappy, the Dems are considering the so-called nuclear option, a.k.a. nominating her to the Supreme Court.

It was either -- yes, it's true. it was either that or the other nuclear option, which would involve using enormous bombs to blow up the world. Which seems drastic. But so is nominating Kamala to the Supremes.

But I guess nothing says you're the worst person ever at the easiest job ever. They're giving you a lifetime appointment to the highest court in the land.

When I heard this, I threw back my head and laughed like Kamala. It's not as easy as she makes it look. I herniated three disks.

While this nightmare scenario is highly unlikely, possibly a rumor propelled by Joe's flatulence, it is constitutionally possible. He could nominate her to the bench if an opening happens before the next election. Saving the party a whole lot of electoral embarrassment.

But a new poll from The Hill, the paper, not the mount of dirt, claims just the opposite. Saying Harris and Michelle Obama are the Dems' top picks for 2024, if Biden doesn't run.

I'm not sure Michelle is interested in running though. The job ages you too much. Look at her husband.

There's also talk of a Harris-Buttigieg ticket. But that's only if Pete's paternity leave is over by then.

Who knows he might have more kids. He's got the hips for it.


GUTFELD: But what? What is Joe think about all this?


TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): Look, look, I've always said this. President Harris -- Vice President Harris would make a great Supreme Court justice. Look, I get along with people, all right? I get along with people. I get along with Barack Obama. And because I'm nice -- I'm Uncle Joe. Right? I'm nice. I'm not like that last guy with the tweets. I'm nice. Unless you don't do what I say, and then, I get you fired and make your life a living hell. But you know, get your booster -- get your booster, or else, I'm going to have to call you a white supremacist.


GUTFELD: Todd, how in this crazy world to becoming a Supreme Court justice become a consolation prize?

PIRO: Exactly, right. That was so offensive to me as a lawyer, about this story. That is the highest court in the land. Regardless of your party, the only people that should be on the Supreme Court are those who have so many years of scholarship, so many years of appellate work, so many years on the bench, not somebody who won an election in a Democratic state for attorney general, where literally my phones could win an election for attorney general is your -- if you're a Democrat.

And so, it's a horrible idea. It should not happen. It cannot happen. And if we do that, I almost say that is worse than packing the Supreme Court. Because the integrity of the Supreme Court at that point has gone out for (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Yes, it's no gift. But --

TIMPF: Yes, like, I get what you're saying, but also it's kind of funny.

PIRO: It's hysterical.

TIMPF: Imagine your single defining characteristic for being on the Supreme Court is that you were so bad at being the vice president. That's the definition of failing upwards.


TIMPF: You know, people -- they say usually like people get promoted all the time even though they suck.

I don't know if anyone's ever been promoted or like got this huge pile for position because they suck.

PIRO: Exactly.

TIMPF: This would be the first thing she did that inspired me.

PIRO: But also I'm trying to envision the arguments on the bench. You have some of the best attorneys in the world appearing before the Supreme Court. And when it's her turn to ask a question, she's going to cackle?


TIMPF: Yes, but they had to work --

PIRO: Right?

TIMPF: They had to work hard. All she had to do is suck at her job.

PIRO: And cackle.

GUTFELD: Suck and cackle.

PIRO: Suck and cackle.

GUTFELD: Sounds like a great law firm.

You know, Tyrus, so, let's -- this ideal ticket. I was thinking about it. So, you have Michelle Obama, she's a beloved black woman. You have Mayor Pete, who's a gay dude, it ticks every box except trans until you realize that Pete is the transportation secretary.

LI: Oh.

TYRUS: You must really like Dave Chappelle. Don't you? You just join him at the hip. Well, you know what, I'll drive the car. Let's do it. Let's go there tonight.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

TYRUS: Let's -- no. You -- we're -- you're not looking at this. This. This was an offer.


TYRUS: This was trying to buy her out.


TYRUS: Because she's not going anywhere. She wants the job. She's doing everything she can to not cooperate, to make him look -- she figures her numbers will go up when he goes down, because her arguments going to be, he was all over the place. I couldn't do anything. Everything I tried. He was there. He was an overbearing, dare I say it? Racist, old white man who was holding me down and blaming me for everything.

So, I'm not taking note which would if I was in her corner, be like, take the job, you all. But she's not going to because she's so close to that seat.


TYRUS: And she are there, going to continue to do this to all Joe. I've called it, I've said it since day one.

GUTFELD: Yes, you -- yes.

TYRUS: And now we're seeing it. Now, he tried to buy her off and he couldn't even keep it secret, or the team leaked it out.


TYRUS: To let him know, no. I'm coming for your job. Period.

LI: So, a lifetime appointment is a consolation prize.


TYRUS: I'll get it later.


LI: It is OK?

TYRUS: Because being the president of the United States is a lifetime appointment, and you can make a lot of money with special interest group.

PIRO: Yes.

TYRUS: Supreme Court Justice don't make that kind of money.

LI: Kingmaker after four years, that what you're saying?

TYRUS: That's a few money. Yes.

LI: OK, well --

GUTFELD: What do you -- what do you what's your opinion on this, Susan?

LI: Well, I mean -- isn't her approval rating at 28 percent?


TYRUS: Because of the racist old white man.

LI: Yes, for God. That's great.

TYRUS: Why I have Greg? The rain is going to toilet, it's not me and Kat.

LI: Right.

TYRUS: It's the racist old white guy. Everyone knows --

GUTFELD: I'm totally behind that, by the way.

LI: Greg, that you're behind but, it's so --

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. It's worked so far.

LI: I think so. But I just think, she's so unpopular. You can't put her for a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court.

GUTFELD: But he can.

TIMPF: Inspiration to unpopular people everywhere.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's like -- it's like --


TYRUS: That's how mean and conniving he is. Give her anything. Make her a Supreme Court justice. Make her just want to be the grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. They're fully -- they're allowing everybody to join now.


TYRUS: So, Whatever you want --


PIRO: Part of their diversity program.

TYRUS: She's like, no, I want your seat.

LI: I don't know. Michelle doesn't want to run. You know, she doesn't like politics.

GUTFELD: Well, who do you see? What's your -- if you could predict right now, 2024, what would be the ticket?

LI: Well, you know, do you think Biden is going to run again at 82?


LI: I think that's going to be tough.


LI: You know, people are worried about his health. He should be in bed, shouldn't he?



GUTFELD: I should be in bed at my age. My God. All right.

We got to move on. Before we go. Oh, this is exciting. Here is a quick reminder.

Come and see me on my book tour. I'll be in the lovely city of Newark, New Jersey. That's next Sunday. Wait a minute. Is that next Sunday? No, it's not. This next Sunday? Holy crap. Wow.

TIMPF: No, not next Sunday, but the following --


GUTFELD: The following Sunday, Jesus, people. December 12th. And then, I'll be in Phoenix in Salt Lake City next year. That I could plan for that one. Go to GGUTFELD.COM for ticket info.

Up next, socialist students says burning, Kyle's attempted learning.


GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: He was acquitted by a jury, but still causes leftist fury. Several lefty student groups at Arizona State University -- they have a university there -- are campaigning to get Kyle Rittenhouse kicked out of the schools' online classes. They call him murderer Kyle Rittenhouse and they're hosting a rally in support of their demands, which includes banning Rittenhouse, reaffirming support for the Multicultural Center as a safe space from white supremacy, which is like demanding a safe space from ghosts.

They also want funds redirected from the ASU Police Department to the Multicultural Center because a lack of police really helped matters in Kenosha, and finally and oddly, to quote, "make Gutfeld do his show shirtless." That's funny. I can't argue there Susan, the kids want what they want. Stop laughing. Now, the school confirm that Rittenhouse was enrolled as a non-degree online student but he hasn't gone through the admissions process and is no longer enrolled, which means he filled out an online form where they will take anyone, and the fact is Rittenhouse was found not guilty.

It's only fair he deserves another shot, which is poor wording on my part. Meanwhile, ASU students for Socialism said they don't feel safe with Kyle being at the school, even if it's just online. But with socialists that weak, how are they going to implement gulags? A little history humor there. It's sad how much the school has changed. Playboy magazine once named ASU the number one party school back in 2002. We asked an ASU student who graduated that year to comment.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So, Rick, what do you think about this Rittenhouse story?

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: I don't know why people are worried about danger from going to school with someone on the Internet. Hell, I took basket weaving with a una-bomber. I'm OK.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Wow. So, how else has college changed since you graduated?

MACHI: It was constant parties back then. I would go to a CAGR then I would follow that up with a more relaxing CAGR than I would sleep during class. The only danger we worried about back then was, was babes tripping over themselves to get to me.

Boomer, I thought you died. Let's go drink some beer, you son of a bitch.


GUTFELD: Tyrus, you got to love that they're trying to cancel somebody who was, who was like on an online class. It's pretty funny.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Everybody was, where's, where's Dean Wormzer --

GUTFELD: Dean Warmer.

TYRUS: Yes, just -- send them home. We can't do anything for you. If you're afraid of the Internet, then maybe get off your phone.


TYRUS: You know what I'm saying, like these -- and I'm assuming this is a huge group, 4, 5, 600,000 members strong that have all these demands. I think it should be done in a very tasteful, no. Hell no. And go to school somewhere else.


TYRUS: Because we -- I just like, I don't have the right to determine who I want to go to school if I don't like somebody. I don't want my neighbor's kid going to the same school as my daughter. So, I'm pulling like he needs to -- he can't go because he eats paint. You know what I'm saying? That's not for me to determine.


TYRUS: And it's the same thing here. So, they're getting a little moment and they're the little socialists and all that other kind of let them go somewhere else because what do you need education for your social sharing everything.

GUTFELD: That's, that's, that's what killed -- they're more dangerous.


GUTFELD: A socialist group, Kat, are more dangerous than anything called written is Rittenhouse was found innocent because he acted in self defense. You can agree, disagree, whatever. But a socialist as a group have done more harm to the world than most organizations on the planet, and that is a scientific fact, although I just made it up here.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It's hard because on the one hand, I'm like should men be allowed on the Internet? Trust me, you do one look at my Instagram comments. You'd be like she has a point. But no, obviously like, they really love to protest the things because they don't have to add anything, they just hate things and they protest things. So, they don't care that he's online they can always come up with a reason --


TIMPF: That you know it's the safe space is whatever you want it to be.

GUTFELD: You're right.

TIMPF: If you say, you don't feel safe, you're not safe and therefore you have to march for it. You don't have to actually have any reasons or do anything or add anything, and you can just tear other things down, which is probably a lot easier.

GUTFELD: And by the way, what if you don't feel safe around socialists, since socialists want to take your stuff and redistribute it like, it's I can't, it's like, I don't feel -- I mean, Socialists have been responsible for so much death for over, you know, centuries. It's like, why, I mean, if anything, I don't feel safe around socialists, Susan, what say you?

SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CORRESPONDENT: I agree with you, because didn't Mao kill 40 million people with the Great Leap Forward or whatever and starve them to death?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

LI: But I think it's also hypocritic for these students to say, well, we're going to adhere our justice because didn't they accuse Rittenhouse of taking justice into his own hands?

GUTFELD: That's true.

LI: So, the court said he's innocent, but yet these students they will work on a, we're going to say you're guilty. We're going to take away your rights for being at school.

GUTFELD: Yes, they're stupid. That's my conclusion. Todd, ASU, I grew up thinking that that I'm never going to go to that school. It's a party school, you won't learn anything. But this is worse than being a party school. It's like, it's like woke ism has come to ASU and extracted the fun and replace it with miserable losers.

TODD PIRO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: But that's why it falls on the school too. And excuse my French, grow a pair in the circumstance --

GUTFELD: How dare you, Sir.

PIRO: Oh, pyros and grow up air.

GUTFELD: Did you are you talking about the actual fruit or testicles? Because I love a good pair. I love a good pair. I will bite right into them. I'll suck right on that pair.

TYRUS: A fruit. A fruit from the tree.

GUTFELD: Not the testicles.


PIRO: This is our job. This is our job. But the overall point, I think I'm building up on what Tyrus said, we have to stop treating these children as adults, they're children masquerading as adults, they make these demands, who are they right to make demands? And you see it. It's not just in the schools, Greg, it has gone over to dare I say, Congress.

You have these four or five people making demands of the entire Congress that are on this socialist left. And look, the Democrats cave to them and try to formulate their whole policy plan for that. It has to stop; it has to be nipped in the bud. They did not win the votes. They do not make up the predominance of an issue. It has to stop now.

GUTFELD: Yes. And the thing is, it's getting a lot of applause to this young man. And the thing is, when you're watching people appease to these demands, it's over, like the little pronoun hysteria happened because like a small segment of society says we don't like he and she, and then it's like, Jordan Peterson called it out when it started, if you give into these speeches done, and he was right. All right. This is so exciting. Coming up, a technological feat tiny robots can eat.


GUTFELD: Reacher -- the researchers started jumping when artificial life started humping. Yes, these little robots are so cute, I may just hire one and give Kat the boot. These are teeny-tiny xenobots made from African frog stem cells, aren't they all? Now, scientists say that the world's first living robots, programmable, organic tissue that are capable of reproducing in a way never before seen in the annals of modern science.

They've clearly never seen me in action. And God is thinking, are they robots? Or are they a new life form? Because when most people think of robots, you know, they think of mechanical, metal, emotionless things like the Terminator, or Robocop or John Kerry -- saw that one coming. Now, sadly, to make the xenobots out of living cells, frogs were actually harmed during this process.

I know, but they were all kiss first to ensure they weren't actually a prince stuck in an amphibian body. Kat is actually the one who kisses them, and she doesn't even do it for money just in hopes that one of them will cause her to hallucinate. Kat, this is a pretty big deal, but you don't seem impressed by this at all.

TIMPF: No, because I don't like, I don't really get it. And I also feel like that's not my fault.


TIMPF: No, I feel like the science people. They find me they write these articles and they're all confusing and we all just trust them because they're the science people like if they're made from frogs, they're not robots they're baby frogs.

GUTFELD: No, but they're so I don't know what they are.

TIMPF: Exactly. They are -- be like science people wrote about, so they must be right.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, I guess you know, it bugs me is there's these are reproducing robots. It's like they can put completely skip --

LI: Stop calling them robots, they're not robots.


GUTFELD: They completely apart where they get to know each other first. Why couldn't they get to know each other first, Tyrus?

TYRUS: They don't have to. They're raw cell matter, Greg, they peeled off the frog part. And raw cells reformed. And they can follow, they can form groups. And they have this little neat trick where they can reproduce together, they can clone themselves, or they can take dust particles around them form something new and recreate themselves. Right now, this is beyond phenomenal. It's crazy the things they can do.

They can literally go in and repair organs, they can follow directions, they -- but they can also connect to other DNA which means that at some point when someone dumps them in the ocean, we're going to have Godzilla in about a year, I'm just saying, that this is one of those things where they better really pay attention.

TIMPF: Baby frogs are going to do that?

TYRUS: Yes, because we all have the same cell matter, it doesn't matter we all start the same. They peeled it off, took the root DNA and they formed this thing. So, literally, anything can happen.


TYRUS: So, you should probably research this, pay attention to it because this is basically miracle that's happening in terms of what can happen with your DNA.

GUTFELD: So, the left was right about Pepe the Frog. Remember, Pepe? Pepe - - oh my god, how do you control them?

LI: Skunk?

GUTFELD: How do you control them, Susan, especially if they're super horny.

LI: Well --

GUTFELD: And they don't stop reproducing.

LI: It was total clickbait because when I actually clicked on the story and read it, I thought these are not robots. They're just single-celled amoebas that you find at the bottom of the ocean. What's the big deal? And I was thinking of a birthing -- you can control them like the programmable?



LI: Yes, you can, but all DNA is pretty much programmable. So, to me, wasn't that special?

GUTFELD: Someone's superior to the frog cells.

LI: I don't know. I wasn't that impressed. I was expecting something like a birthing scene from Zoolander, Mila Jovovich.

TYRUS: How dare you. It just started. Give it 10 years.

LI: All right.

GUTFELD: Yes. But you know what, I'm not going to let you dissuade me from being very impressed.

TYRUS: I'm excited about it.

GUTFELD: I'm very excited.

TYRUS: This is an example of non-conscious intelligence. Like they can actually do stuff without thinking, that's a bit scary.

PIRO: I feel like there's a wall here of -- Kat and I read this article, we had no idea what the hell it said. And you guys are having like a McLaughlin group of science discussion.


TIMPF: I clicked it and I was like, I don't get paid enough.

PIRO: But there was one line that stood out that kind of freaks me out. It was: "This is self-contained in a lab. It can't escape." Where have we heard that before?

TYRUS: That's what I said. If it gets into the ocean, game over.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, I am looking forward to our little amoeba overlords. I will turn on the humans in a second.

TYRUS: Like that.

GUTFELD: Yes, I will, I will be the Benedict A of amphibian programmable cells. And Todd, I'm coming for you. All right, up next, did the pandemic push pause on Santa Claus?


GUTFELD: People looking for St. Nicholas are finding themselves in a pickle-less. Yes, the labor shortage left a hole all the way past the North Pole. -- there's a thing I didn't know existed; it's like that mole on my back -- says it's seen a huge increase in people looking for Santas and Mrs. Claus this year, and he just can't keep up with the demand.

The site's founder said that Santa's body type and age are COVID-19 comorbidities, prompting many of them to retire to avoid the risks. A performer booking agency in San Francisco and Santa costume store owner in North Carolina have reported similar Santa's shortage issues. But thankfully, there has been no shortage at all of elves -- my people. We went to one for a comment.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (BLEEP) you, mother (BLEEP) right now, I'm going to shell. I'll cut that little (BLEEP). I'll cut you too if you get in my face, butt-feld. By the way, shout out to Todd Piro.


GUTFELD: Apparently, Todd, he watches, he watches -- he's very, he's very working on the toys. Yes. What do you make of this?

PIRO: You talked about the supply aspect of this. I like to go in honor of Susan Li being in business, the demand. Are we sure all the people that are going on to are going for like mall Santas? Or are they into some like freaky -- you know what I mean?

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. Santa strippers.

PIRO: Yes, I feel like there's -- I feel like that's where the demand is coming from. Maybe that's where my weird had go. Maybe because I've been up for 24 hours. I don't know. But that's -- and I also blame Joe, this is a supply chain --

GUTFELD: You know what --

PIRO: It's Joe Biden's problems.

GUTFELD: It's Fox News, if you don't have a comment, just blame Joe Biden. It's worked for me. Susan, you should learn that by now.

LI: Neutral. Neutral.

GUTFELD: You own any Santa stock?

LI: I would short it after this story, if possible.

GUTFELD: Was that an attack on elves?

LI: No. Well, actually, you know, I was going through some of our old photos and I actually was sitting on Santa's lap when I was younger, me my sister. But I just noticed that Santa's face was really red and I realized he was probably drinking. Oh, now, I figured that out that as an adult.

GUTFELD: That, Kat, brings me -- when I was at a shopping mall, Santa, King of Prussia Mall back in like 90 something. And I was yelled at, I was yelled at for drinking at lunch. When I came back, I had read lips and all the things --

TIMPF: Of all the things you could have drank, you couldn't have not drank something red?

GUTFELD: Then an amazing new Italian restaurant in King of Prussia Mall and I was sitting there drinking wine and eating there a quesadilla.

TYRUS: Wait, you went to an Italian restaurant for wanting to eat quesadilla.

GUTFELD: It was a flatbread pizza. Yes, it was a -- it had weird stuff on it. Kat, answer that question and the fray of nonsense.

TIMPF: That sounds like for a therapist. That's not I don't know. Santa is, I don't, I think it's sad that the demand is so high. Because it's the past two years, it's like 121 percent higher. It's only because with the past three years we've all had, we've lowered the bar so much now for what counts as fun. No one's ever excited to see a Santa if you're an adult, I don't think.

GUTFELD: Yes. How dare you. Santa is the most interesting person on the planet, right? He makes everybody smile, Tyrus.

TYRUS: OK, first of all, the real Santa is fine, ladies and gentlemen.


TYRUS: And the reason why Santas are down is because there's about 77 million people on the naughty list. So, you know, I'm saying so the bad behavior is up. So, he's not making as many visits. So, Santa is not going to come to your mall, because a lot of you have been bad. And you know who you are? Every one of you. So that's why Santas are down. Because people have been bad. Don't blame the pandemic isn't really that naughty and nice list. And then naughty list is thick this year.

TIMPF: Did you get fired? Or were you just reprimanded?

GUTFELD: Well, so the funny --

TIMPF: You have to go home there. You know what, go, go with the kids.

GUTFELD: I went for a -- I did it as a job for "Good Morning America," to go out to Santa School. I went to Santa school for Men's Health magazine, and then Good Morning -- and I went and it was, it was in King of Prussia Mall. So, I took the school which was taught by these year-round Santas, and they're an interesting group of people. And, and so, that so, I was there to learn all that stuff and everything and then I said OK I'd so I went to the restaurant had a couple of drinks and when I came back they were all like this.

TYRUS: Naughty list.

GUTFELD: And then the worst part about it was that the worst part, I was driving back in the freeway back to Allentown and I took the wrong exit. So, I decided to turn around and on the on the toll plaza or like go through the wrong way. And they took a photo of as I got my ticket and, of course, I was still wearing my crap.

LI: With the beard?

GUTFELD: I didn't have the beard on, but I did have the red jacket because it's very cool. Don't go away we'll be right back.


GUTFELD: We've got time for one final thought. Tyrus.

TYRUS: What it is. Tyrus here. December 4th, I will be defending my NWA World television championship. NWA -- check it out if you want tickets at or check it out on the Fight Network and I have an No Disqualification falls anywhere so it's going to be physical and I will be back at work with this. Check it out!

GUTFELD: Awesome! Thanks to Susan Li, Todd Piro, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Brea, is next. I'm Oprah. I love you, America.

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